Ask Nyra
by Owlstar
Summary: Ask any character from Guardians of Ga'Hoole a question... Ask a question via review.
1. Chapter 1

Hello, it is Saucekay here, Me and Nyra and even Kludd Would love to answer any questions you may have. So say hi guys

**Nyra**: I don't know who or what you are, but when i get out of here i will pull out your gizzard!

**Kludd**:Yeah, what she said, i think.

**Soren**: we don't even know if this thing has a gizzard.

Me:Soren, you rock so i will let you out, but you have to join my new club, it is the slice Kludd with an ice sword club, or SKISC club.

Soren:ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Me: what are, meditating.

Soren:you mean the SKISC.

Me:Fine Meany.

**Nyra**: Can we just get the questions over with.

Me: no i enjoy torturing you but fine.

**Kludd**:Thank you Nyra

Me: Kludd, you have to answer 75 of the questions

**Kludd: BEEEEEEP**

A few very boring government funded hours later:

Me: hey guys, we got our first question!

**Kludd**: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

**Nyra**: Shut up Kludd, we can't lose anything else, he has already taken our dignity, our spells, our weapons, our guards, and – sniff, sniff – TEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDDDDYYYYYYYYY... - cries -

Soren: yeah he can't make you guys look anymore worse, oh wait, he can, Ha Ha.

Nyra: ha ha, i got out now i can wreak havoc on the owl wor- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Nyra was put back in the cage.

Me: you know Nyra, more than half the owl population hates you and could beat you with their hands,er wings behind their back.

Me: anyway on to the question.

(Q1) Dear Nyra,

Why the heck do you love Kludd?

Me:hmmm. This should be good.

Nyra oh i just LOVE my little Kluddypoo

Kludd: Nyra!

Me: - smirk – Kluddypoo. I think i have some cookies.

Gylfie: -tackles- GIVE ME THE COOKIES!!!!

Twilight:Gylfie get off him, i think if you crossbred an elf owl with a great gray, it would come out as a barn owl

Kludd: OMG I WANT A SUGAR EVEN THOUGH I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS!

Thank you to Narutoast for the question.

Dont sue me, i dont own nyra koryn soren kludd gylfie or -sniff sniff- twighlight.


	2. Purer ones and divorces

If you want a disclaimer, read the first one

Hello, we are back and- (Kludd: What is this, some new type of torture device, it was only supposed to last a chapter.) Shut up Kludd – ready to answer more questions... and torture Kludd and Nyra and Stryker and the rest of the pure ones... now we also have Tarn the burrowing owl, Otulissa, and Orlando (read river of wind) Let's get started.

Me: So Otulissa, how does it feel to be put in prison again.

Otulissa: It is absolutely Appalling.

Me: Otulissa, I hate that word so if you use it again you will be appallingly Dead -pulls out 22- caliber rifle-

Nyra: Otullisa, you should shut up now

Otulissa: ok i will, as long as you and your _Kluddypoo_ stay away from me

Kludd: Look what you did Nyra! I am calling a divorce

Nyra: Fine!

Tarn: Uh... Do i know you

Kludd: who, Me?

Tarn: yeah.

Kludd: i am dead... i died in the burning, a long time before you came into the series

Coryn: Kludd, if you are dead... how are you here?

Twilight: Dang! I killed you like 6 or 7 books ago!

Me: It was most likely Nyra. She is a hagsfiend you know.

Coryn: How did you know that! Are you a mind reader?

Me: Uh... no. Kathryn Lasky writes books about you so i know what you are thinking.

Bell: daddy, what is this thing with napalm in it with a string at the top and a flame getting closer to the black part

Me: uh bell, you might want to get away from that...

Bell: okay. -gets FAR away from the bomb-

Me: thats better. Well, sadly, we dont have any questions

Kludd: YES

Me: except the one that i came up with

Kludd and Nyra: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Me: well it is actually a question for the whole owl population except for any of the pure ones. Well here it is. Does the whole owl population hate The Pure ones?

Whole owl population except the pure ones:

YES

Me: i made a new group of owls and humans. The Purer ones! Anyone except the pure ones can join so start joining.

Owl population except the pure ones again: Can we join?

Me:Sure, it will also make it so i dont have to type the whole owl population except the pure ones anymore

Gylfie: I wonder where those cookies from the first chapter are...

Twilight: you ate them Gylf. Then you yarped.

Gylfie: oh yeah, no wonder i keep tasting something good whenever i yarp

Kludd: you just had to eat the sugar cookies...

Me: oh suck it up Kludd

Kludd: -cries- But i dont wanna!!!!!

Gylfie: isnt it impossible for owls to cry

Soren: Gylfie, are you forgetting your basic astrology AGAIN?

Gylfie: n-

Soren: the hip bone is connected to the beak bone

Gylfie: what be-

Soren: Heads shoulders knees and talons knees and talons

Gylfie: SOREN SHUT UP

Soren: I am calling a divorce

Gylfie: but we never mated...

Soren: IDC

Kludd: - whacks gylfie with a burning stick-

Gylfie: OMGIMONFIRE i mean something that is not used in a video game...

Me: -splashes water on gylfie-

Gylfie: that feels better... OMGCOLDWATER!

Me: next time we will find out if gylfie dies of hypothermia... or not

Gylfie: You cant kill me off, i don't even have owlets... that i know of at least

Me: fine we will see if Kludd dies of hypothermia


	3. REAL QUESTIONS Oo

Hello, I am back after a very LOOOOOONNNGGGG break so I will be updat- GYLFIE STOP CHEWING ON MY EAR!! ITS NOT A COOKIE!! Jeez! Ok question I

Here's my question for Twilight:  
Do you like Gylfie? You called her Gylf in the books.

From Peridot Tears

Gylfie(through a mouthful of my ear): Vwat!?

Twilight: I DO NOT!! (pulls out journal and writes in it: Note to self, I love Gylfie)

Gylfie(he swallowed what tiny bit of skin he pulled off my ear): Oooooohhh whacha writing?

Twilight: Er ummm nothing! Er... NEXT QUESTION BEFORE GYLF FINDS OUT I LOVE HER!! Oh crud... did I say that out loud?

Me: Yes... Yes you did...

Twilight: Dang...

Nyra: Can you let us ou-

Everyone except Nyra and Kludd: NO!!

Me: Oh Kludd... I just re-read chapter 2 and it says we will find out if you die of hypothermia(freeze to death)

Kludd: Ooh dang...

Me: (dumps super-de-duperly cold water on Kludd) NOW GO SWIM IN THE ARCTIC OCEAN! Wait don't... we have questions for you I think... be happy you have people desperate enough to ask YOU a question... well question 2!

Question for Blyrric of the Pure Ones:  
Why do you only have 1 eye?  
Are you emo?  
glomps Blyrric  
(yes, i love him

From Ayase Reincarnated

Blyrric: Umm... (shivers) lets just say an eagle kinda... er... umm... yeah...

Me: Answer the second part!

Blyrric: BUT I DONT WAAAANNNNAAAA

Me: Why not?

Blyrric: Cuz she SCARREEEESSSS me!!

Me: Note to the reviewer: If he doesn't answer the question, I will force him to write repeated love notes to you... signed like this: From your lover: Blyrric

Blyrric: FINE! I'll answer it... Well it first started out like this... I was watching a baseball game and I asked to play and they said no so I thought nobody cared about me so I wont care about them...

Me: Dude... owls cant play baseball in general... much less catch a ball... besides if you tried to catch it in your beak, it would pummel you to the ground... so in other words... you suffer from depression...

Blyrric: OMG SO IM NOT EMO!? YAYZ! NOW I CAN EXPRESS MY FEELINGS FULLY! LA LA LA LA LA!

Gylfie: Weird-o

Me: NEXT QUESTION!!

This rocks! Very funny, giddy and silly, but very refreshing at the same time.

Question for Twilight:

What do you think about love, seeing as you have many devoted fan girls?

- Alex

Twilight: I HAVE FANGIRLS?! Sweet!!

Me: Dang I just scratched myself on my keyboard... ow ow ow ow ow!!

Twilight: Well I think love(and my fan girls) rocks!

Me: Well... next question (ow)

Why did Twilight (I love that book) kill Kludd when Kludd would've died anyways?

Me: Well... I dunno... go ask Kathryn Lasky who amazingly is our gust today! YAY!!

Kathryn Lasky: Well... It gave the story more plotline more action more phizza-

Me: OK GOOD ENOUGH (kicks her off the stage) next question:

question for Gylifie: you know a bunch of big words, so what does homicidal mean?

Gylfie: Homicide:

–noun

1.

the killing of one human being by another.

2.

a person who kills another; murderer.

Homicidal:

–adjective

1.

of or pertaining to homicide.

2.

having a tendency to commit homicide.

Me(wide-eyed): Wow...

Dear Kludd, how does it feel being dead?

Kludd's scroom: Weird... I feel so light-headed...

Me: well... I think that ends the story... cuz I cant find any other reviews on the review page oh and to all the question-askers: Please sign your name after you ask the question ok? ok.


	4. Makeups and Breakups

**Author Note: AAAAaaannnd I'm back with a new update to this ancient Fanfic. I'm also back with... Better spelling, better grammar, and probably a bit more humorous.**

Me: Well... I feel... Old. I mean, I just finished reading the wholes series and... Wow... That was a great series. Well, today we have a whole bunch of questions from our lovely reviewers. Though said reviewers have probably forgotten about this fanfic... Ok then, question uno.

Yay! And update! lol...homicidal...question for Soren: Which would you rather do, make out with Gylfie or bang your sister?

[Ugh. Rather sick, if you ask me...]

nya...It's just a question, gosh.

[Forgive Connie. She has a perverted mind.]

From ezyl

Soren: **Eyes twitch** I'm not sure how to react to that... Errr... I guess Make out with Gylfie... But darn. We're not in Alabama here. We can't bang our sisters and still be considered civilized.

Me: Dontchu go insultin' da states! ** Slaps Soren**

Soren: Ow! Jerkface.

Gylfie: Wait, what? I totally blanked out that. What did Soren say?

Me: Oh, he sai- Mmmffrrrggg

Soren: ** Is covering my mouth with his wing** I said Bang my sister.

Gylfie: We aren't in Alabama! That's just gross!

Me: **Manages to pull the wing from my mouth and shouts quickly** Soren, watcha talkin' about? You said kiss Gylfie! Silly Soren.

Gylfie: **Stares at Soren, eyes twitching**

Twilight: Woah woah woah, Soren, dontchu go hittin' on my girl.

Me: Weren't you just trying to hide your love for Gylfie?

Twilight: I know, but it's finally out! I can express my love for Gylfie! **Does a flying tackle and glomps Gylfie.

Me: Ok then, Question 2 through 4.

Wow... Gylfie, how does ear taste.

Twilight, I read that your mom was this great poet and than your given name was Cassius. I'm starting to fangirl you! *squeals* What are your thoughts on this?

Kludd, there's this old show I used to watch called Liberty's Kids. If I compared you and Nyra to John and Abigail Adams (don't ask), how'd you feel? If you don't know what I'm talking about, answer the best you can.

From, Peridot Tears

Gylfie: It tastes like chicken with a hint of chocolate chip... **Stares at Me hungrily**

Me: ** Puts on a Riot Helmet**

Gylfie: **Lowers her gaze**

Twilight: Ooh! Ooh! My turn!

Kludd: Why do you get to go next?

Nyra: Wait, you're comparing me to 2 people, Peridot Tears? How the heck is that even possible?

Me: Ok, shut it, Kludd. you too, Nyra. Nobody likes you.

Twilight: Ok then, anyway... Well the poet part I can understand why I'm such an amazing poet. And the fangirl part is awesome! I 3 my fangirls. But why would my mom name me Cassius! It's a racdrop of a name!

Me: Hey! No owl swears! **Hits Twilight with the oar of a canoe**

Kludd: MY TURN!111!11!111!11!1!111!1!1!ONE!1!

Me: Yes.

Kludd: Well then, considering I have no idea what the heck you are talking about, I'll just say... Awkward.

Me: Wait! Halfway through writing this I totally had a revelation! ** Fanboy/girl moment, as my gender should remain unknown to reviewers so I don't get asked a question, hint hint** I LOVE THAT SHOW! OMGOMGOMGOMG! 'Cept I dun remember the names.

Kludd: Ok, well. That was weird. Anyway, Owlstar, aren't you a b- ** A rock flies out of nowhere and nails Kludd in the face.

Me: Anybody who attempts to say my gender is hit with a stone.

All owls: ** Back away slowly**

Me: Next question! Ohhh... This is great...

Twilight: Do you really love Gylfie?

Soren: Who do you have a crush on? (I have a lie detector)

Gylfie: Do you love Twilight back?

From, Kimbley-A-Splode

Twilight: Oooh! Ooh! They said my name twice!

Me: Not for good reason...

Twilight: Oh... Yeah.. I'll go last!

Me: No, you'll go first and you. Will. LOVE IT!

Twilight: Fine! Just don't hurt me! Ok, the answer is... YES! I LOVE HER! I TRULY DO! Every time I sleep I dream of her and I can't get her out of my head and it torments me everytime I can't admit my love but now **Pauses for a breath** I can and it feels absolutely wonderfully stunningly amazing!

Me: Wow. That's just... Wow. Soren! Your turn!

Soren: Wait, don't I have a mate? And three kids? I guess I have a crush on... Pelli!

Pelli: Awww, you're so swee-

**Lie detector flashes, meaning a lie was said**

Pelli: WHAAAAAATTTT!/!1/1/1/?~/!

Soren: T-the lie mac-chine is bust-ted!

Me: No it's not. Watch. **Sets the helmet on** I love men. **Helmet remains still, showing that only truth was said**

Pelli: I never want to see you again, Soren. And I'm taking the kids with me! And the new battle claws! And all the money out of our JOINT bank account!

Me: Ohhh shiz! Break-up on set! Well then, seeing as I don't really care cuz I thought Pelli was the dumb blonde of the owl world, Soren must answer the question correctly. **Places the helmet back on Soren**

Soren: Errr... I like Nyra? **Lie!**

Soren: Kludd? **Lie!**

Soren: Gylfie! **Lie!**

Soren: Fine! I LOVE DIGGER! I ALWAYS HAVE AND ALWAYS WILL! **True!**

Digger: O. M. F. G. I hate to admit this, but... I LOVE YOU TOO, SOREN! ALL THAT YOU SAID, IT'S TRUE FOR ME, TOO!

** A massive glomp battle breaks out between Soren and Digger**

Me: The Ask Nyra Talkshow, degrading Guardians of Ga'hoole characters every day at 9, 8 Central.

Gylfie: Well then, shall we end with my question?

Me: Yes. We shall. Note to all reviewers who asked questions but did not have it answered: It was either because it was inappropriate IMO, or because I'll be doing it next chapter.

Ottulissa: I believe these questions are simply appalling!

Me: Ottulissa, go glomp yourself in the back room or something. Nobody loves you, you're going to grow old and be alone cuz nobody ever mates with a prick like you. Go die.

Ottulissa: That is a simply appalling thing to sa-

**Ottulissa is punted off the stage by an angered reviewer**

Me: Ok, Gylfie, answer the question.

Gylfie: Well, my answer is no. I don't.

Me: That was blatant... You could have at least lied that you like him...

Twilight: I'll be in that corner over there, if you need me... **A tear drips from his eye**

Me: Well, that's it for today. Hope you all enjoyed it. I'll finish up with the Chapter 3 questions and... request? Next time.

Gylfie: Wait, a request? What do you mean a req-

** Audio recorder stops recording**


End file.
